I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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