the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
