I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize