Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
