You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
