I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
