I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
