Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
