did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
