Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
