The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
