they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
