i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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