I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think your dad took our porno
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
