i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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