I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
time to smoke my breakfast
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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