If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
