I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my liver is dry heaving
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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