i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this is an emotional support booty call
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
