i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
