guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
