I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
