The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're so nebulous sometimes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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