I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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