i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
