girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
