So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
