we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize