Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
