ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
