So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
