I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
