I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
