i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
