My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
