I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
