I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
