Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
