I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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