My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
