It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
