I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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