mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
