If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
