Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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