so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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