I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
