No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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