Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize