I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
