apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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