Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize