You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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