that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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