I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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