Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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