did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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