as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
