can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
