after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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