OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
