at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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