so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
