is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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