jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
