Is it because I queefed?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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