OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
