so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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