what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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