I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
