He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
