Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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