White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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