im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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