hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
