I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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