some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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