oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
