Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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