it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
