Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
