Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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