whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
