rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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