Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize