Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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