Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
