When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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