just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
