my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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