he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
