Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
