Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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