Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
