I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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